Generally speaking, we know that females are later diagnosed and present differently than males with ASD, which often leaves them feeling further “outcasted” than the diagnosis of ASD on its own. Females are particularly skilled at “mimicking” and scripting a social personality. However, they tend to have more difficulty with social conflicts, especially as they move beyond the elementary years, when their typical peers no longer tend to “mother-hen” and chaperone.
As a whole, this population is at greater risk for attention deficits, severe anxiety, depression and other mental health diagnoses such as schizophrenia. Furthermore, the range of sensory-processing challenges likely compound the already awkward and uncomfortable experiences of puberty, gender identity, sexual orientation, and dating. However, despite the obstacles placed on those with ASD (including lack of funding and services once they “age out” and enter the “real world”), research is beginning to better understand adults with ASD, and how romance and finding a partner can be another complicated barrier.
Regardless of all the recent exploration, one thing is certain—those with ASD are quite similar to neurotypical individuals in the longing to find a healthy partnership. I would argue that Love itself is a spectrum, a unique journey rooted deep within our evolutionary code, part of our Human experience, in which we are all innately programmed to find what it means to love and be loved, unconditionally. Those with ASD are perfectly capable of developing romance, maintaining relationships and getting married. It is the goal of Speak Out! to support those individuals wanting to connect more deeply with others.
I’m hoping that in the future, this service will lead to social events, such as speed dating, mixers, formals, etc., while continuing to meet with individuals to further develop their communication skills as they relate to romantic endeavors. It has always been something in the back of my mind that I intended to do “some day,” but with this pandemic and the chaos of the world, what could be more exciting than offering this level of therapy to let adults with ASD know, I haven’t forgotten about you.
Being alone during the Coronavirus has left many of us grieving the presence of other human beings. For the ASD population, especially adults, isolation can be all too common on a “regular” year, and I empathize with their challenges, which have likely been exasperated in our current climate.
I have been inspired by other similar projects and I strongly encourage you to read Uniquely Human by Dr. Barry Prizant. It absolutely blew my mind when I first read it. There are some fantastic documentaries that furthered my passion to move towards this direction of service, including:
Autism in Love
How to Dance in Ohio
Autism, the Musical;
Autism: The Sequel; and, more recently,
Love on the Spectrum
Lastly, I reflect on the best prom I ever attended. When I was working as a paraprofessional in a respite care center for birth to 21, I had the opportunity to support a young lady by chaperoning her to her Special Needs Prom. Truly, this was the prom I wish I could have had as a high-schooler. The pure joy that all those kids brought, from the pride of their outfits, to hitting the dance floor, the confidence in this population insured that nothing was off the table. They were genuinely free to be themselves and the love was contagious.
What I found in my experience working directly with young adults with ASD, and what it captured perfectly in the above film recommendations, is that this population’s underlying communication challenges are exactly what makes them so charming. They may say things bluntly, but it is often from a place where judgment does not exist. When they describe their desires for romance and “the perfect partner,” it is poetic honesty. They are able to capture the complexities of human behavior in an untarnished, beautiful confidence. The irony is that these characteristics that lead to diagnosis are what I wish we neurotypicals embraced more often. To be able to look at another individual and see them for exactly what they are, seeing our differences as just that…different, but human. Our world is much more vivid and fulfilling when we leave our embarrassments of how to behave behind and set our judgements aside, simply living in a vulnerable experience, knowing that are existence alone is enough.